Remember or Dwell

It is an amazing thing our mind.  It records everything.. but we only recall with regularlity that which has some kind of an emotional attachment. Unfortunately, that does not have to be a positive thing.  We can attach negative emotions.

Remembering where we have been is an important aspect. It is how we learn.  It is how we avoid repeating past mistakes.  Unfortunately, for many of us, rather then using this tool our mind gives us, we begin to dwell.

What is the difference?
Dwelling is allowing a negative memory to take root and take over.  Rather then moving forward with the lesson learned, we are suddenly angered in the past.  We rehash it over and over and over. We relive that pain and hurt again and again. To what end?? The truth is kind of scary. Because at some level we have become to believe we deserve it.  Only when we realize that we should only have to pay for errors one time, do we stop this hurtful pattern of self abuse.

Dwelling can become so powerful that it can create stress caused illnesses and depression.  Ulcers, heart disease, high blood pressure and many other ailments have been tied to staying in an increased stress state.  And the worst part is, most of us do this to ourselves.

How do I stop this?
 There are two major tools one can use.  First, the old cliche .. Let go and Let God.  The second thing is refuse to allow negativity to control your thinking.  The one thing that is almost possible to take away from man is his thoughts. You may lock away his body and still his mind is his own.  Even under the influence of the disease of addiction, there is still influence on thought.  When you catch yourself thinking in a negative manner; tell yourself .. STOP!  We are trained this word from a very  young age.   It will startle the mind for a brief moment. Then pick up something postive; a story, affirmations or a thank you letter.  Anything that has hope, peace or love within it.  This change in thinking will force the mind slowly to let go of the negative things in our past and move towards acceptance.


Remember.. do not dwell.  There is freedom to move forward with the assurance of not repeating a past mistake.

Make Today. .. just a little better then yesterday and your future will always be moving forward.

God Bless

What you are putting in.. is coming out!

Before you change your thinking, you h ave to change what goes into your mind.
                                              Zig Ziglar

The thing about universal wisdom is that it comes from so many mouths.  The above saying has been proffered a many ways by many teachers. It is in the bible, the Koran and in every self esteem curriculum out there.  TIt is a scientific fact that input is a direct influence on output.  What this means in regards to today's teachings is that if you are not having the success you want in life, if you are depressed, if you are unmotivated and even if you are just really negative all the time; what is your input?  Those things are the output.  What are you reading?  What music are you listening too?  What is your visual surroundings?  These things have a direct influence on what you think and how you act whether you are realizing it or not.

If you struggle with negativity but your only reading the Newspaper and the most uplifting thing you here is a sitcom and the evening news; it is no surprise.  Face it, newspapers publish what sells and saving puppies is nice for the occaisional piece but a full article on it will not sell.  Especially today where people can go online for fluff.

Ways to change this:

1.  Read uplifting stories.  Chicken Soup stories for example
2.  Make sure that even if you like hard core music, you take some time to add in something light and soothing whether it is elevator music, classical or nature sounds.  There are some cool sites you can just listen too like 
http://www.rainymood.com/ that really help with relaxing and stress.
3.  Practice positive affirmations.  "I am becoming happier every day."  "I am enjoying life."  They are most effective in the AM state with a verb ending in ing.  Never use can or will as the brain interprets this as someday down the road.
4.  Look at images of vacation sites.  They say just spending a few minutes looking at such pictures improves mood and stress levels.
5.  Eat right and drink water.  The brain needs nutrition to function and many of today's foods are just lacking.
6.  Talk to your higher power regularly!

Th gist of today.. what goes in.. comes out!  So watch what you are putting into your eyes, ears, mouth and body.

Nothing stays the same but that everything changes

Nothing in the world lasts save eternal change.
Marquis de Ragan


Don’t give up on a rainy day; the sun WILL shine again


Don’t give up on love; practice loving


Don’t give up on a task; perseverance will help you finish


Don’t give up on a friend; they may be in pain


Don’t give up on a client; they may understand tomorrow


Don’t give up on yourself: your potential has not been reached




I pray for the strength for each of us to persist through the day when circumstances…. Changes…

Or challenge would incline us to throw in the proverbial towel.

Self Respect Can Be Learned!

According to Merriam-Webster, self respect is defined as: 1: a proper respect for oneself as a human being and 2: regard for one's own standing or position. But what does proper respect of one's self really mean? It is the looking in the mirror and seeing someone of value. It is believing that you are as good as anyone else. E.E. Cummings wrote, "We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit."

Self Respect is not ignoring the fact that you have faults as a person. It is accepting that you have them and loving yourself despite them. It is knowing that making a mistake or failing at something does not define who we are inside. Many people think that it can be measured by the acts that they do, but self respect is about whom you are and not what you do on the outside. It is not about how we measure up to the person next to us. Our society of competition pushes people to be at their best and if they have strong self respect then they can weather the times when they do not come in first. However, for many it is a killer of both self esteem and self respect because there can only be so many winners in a competitive environment.

So how do we increase self respect? First, listen to how you talk to yourself! Carla Gordon is quoted as saying "If someone in your life talked to you the way you talk to yourself, you would have left them long ago." This is so true. The kindest of people to others often is rarely kind to themselves. It is estimated that over 70% of what we say to ourselves is negative. If you put yourself down that much, you cannot help but have little respect for yourself. So, the first step, speak to yourself as you would want others to speak to you.

The next thing you can do is stick to your values. When we lie but have the value of honesty or when we hold resentments yet hold a value to be forgiving, we tear at the very fabric of our values. Every time you act in a manner that is support of what you believe, you increase your respect of self. We will focus on all the reasons we are 'bad' or 'not worthy' which adds to our negative self talk. But when we act in a manner that makes us smile or feel a sense of pride, we walk a little taller and with a little more pep.

One other thing that you can do is to treat others in the manner you wish to be treated. I know, the golden rule has been preached and preached. But face it, the reason that this saying has held throughout the years is that it is a basic truth. In regards to self-respect, when you treat others with respect, most will treat you back in the same way. This raises your value in your own eyes. Forgive others when they make mistakes and then forgive yourself when you make them. This simple thing is so powerful. It leads to the belief that you are exactly what you are meant to be, a constantly improving member of your community that has value and worth.

The last thing is to stand up for you. Hold to your boundaries and your beliefs, but do so with respect. Agree to disagree if you must for the sake of relationships but do not sacrifice your beliefs. Whenever you allow someone to compromise your boundaries and values, you not only lower yourself in their eyes, but yours as well. Believe that you deserve to have an opinion, happiness and success.

If you work to develop your self-respect, you will find that your relationships will improve. Those you work with and for will seem more amiable and you will notice what you do well more and more. It is a cyclic event. The more you realize that you do things right and well, the more you will see the things you do right and well. The more you see it in yourself, the more others will see it in you as well. And if one must chose to do business between two people; one who cannot look you in the eye and that their mannerisms show a lack of self respect and another who has a warm handshake, a bright and honest smile and a posture of pride; the one with self respect will always win. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without consent." Never give it!


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Self Confidence - A Key to Personal and Business Sucess

Self Confidence is a key part of success in business. It is the difference between having faith in yourself and feeling scared out of your wits. It is about having trust in what you know and your abilities to handle the unexpected events that life puts in your path. It is also a belief that you are the one in control of your life and your goals. It is that unexplainable and untouchable attribute that allows you get in touch with that inner self that allows you to express yourself fully.

The good news is that it is a trait that is strengthened so do not give up if you do not feel you have it at this time. In addition, self confidence varies depending on whether you are doing something for the first time or it is something you know well. It can vary due to environment as well. For example, some people are very confident in one on one presentation while others are confident in front of large groups of people. It won't increase overnight but you can work to build it up to the level of your aspiration.

The first step in building self confidence is giving you permission to not give up no matter what the outcome. The key is, to do your best in any given situation regardless of your knowledge or the end result. When this happens, then each small step of progress increases confidence.

The second key ingredient is to set achievable goals. If you are doing something for the first time, give yourself goals to learn each small step. Do not expect perfection in your first attempt. Progress and not perfection is the attitude that builds confidence. If you must be perfect in your own mind, then even the smallest error becomes disastrous to confidence.

The smallest things can improve confidence. Add a smile when you make a phone call and it will show in your voice, increasing a positive response. Straightening posture when meeting someone or giving a warm and confident handshake even if you are trembling inside returns a positive response. When another person responds in a positive manner, you comfort level increases.

The third ingredient to building up your confidence is based on your physical well being. When we eat right, sleep well and get exercise we then feel better. That sense of physical well being comes out in our work, our voices and even our presentations and productivity. These are all factors to building up a sense of worth. Making eye contact, a simple physical event, will actually convey confidence. So no matter how you feel inside, get those eyes up to those who you are speaking too!

The fourth ingredient is to watch your own self talk. Many individuals erode their own self confidence by the negative self talk and the downplaying of recognition or compliments. Monitor how you talk to yourself. If you find yourself discounting your work, your abilities or any other aspect of yourself, tell yourself "Stop." This word is so ingrained into our psyche that it will momentarily freeze thought. Then replace the thought with something that is positive and opposite of the interrupted thought.

The fifth ingredient to building confidence is to make an achievement list. Make yourself a list of everything you have accomplished no matter how small. We do not give ourselves enough credit for all the things we do right. We could in any given day, do ten things right and still focus on the one thing we have done wrong. Do not let yourself get caught in this trap. It is a self-confidence killer. When you find yourself fixating on an error, review you accomplishments. Then fix the error and move one. Life is too short to spend it beating yourself up for the thing you didn't do right. Pick yourself up... and get going!

Lastly, if you find a subject you need to know but have no confidence in then take a class, read a book or just find a forum and listen to those chatting about it. Knowledge is power! There is no doubt that just knowing what others are speaking of will increase your confidence and social presence. When you don't feel left out, you again, increase your confidence levels. In addition, when you pursue knowledge on a subject to which you have a need or a passion, you gain the experience of uniqueness which will also increase worth.

Making the decision to work on building self confidence could actually affect the success you find and achieve in life. It is an important decision. It is important to be you. Whenever we are put in positions to pretend to be what we are not, we risk our confidence levels. While there is some truth to the 'fake it till you make it' mentality, Life is a much happier journey when you can be who you are and when you can be proud of the skills you have. It is about recognizing your strengths and being able to truly understand that we all have areas of weakness.

If you are an employer or a team leader, remember to recognize the smallest gains from those you supervise. A first sale, a new technique, a first presentation, these critical moments can make or break those you work with. Recognize the strengths of an individual before you point out areas they may want to focus on next. When your team feels confidence, then everyone wins. That is the cool thing about self-confidence. The more it is felt the more there is... it just keeps growing till you have a powerful team that is unstoppable. As a leader, you have nothing to lose in these little recognizable moments and everything to gain. Success and Self-Confidence are intricately twisted about one another, never lose sight of it.